Decisive Perspective

Asiatic lily

Regardless of whether we realize it or not, everyday we choose our attitude and ultimately our day's outcome.

I recently had this discussion with a young Army soldier. I reminded him how each of us view our world a little differently. We each have a different filtering system. 

 

We can allow circumstances, that are usually out of our control...that we may not agree with or completely understand to negatively impact our attitude if we aren't careful.

I am of the opinion that to have a positive attitude we have to focus on the beauty that surrounds us everyday. We have to look past the glaring flaws that we see in others and most importantly, in ourselves, to see what God truly has created in us and for us. In my occupation, I catch myself every so often...okay, EVERYDAY, getting irritated with people and letting that negative emotion and those negative thoughts diminish my happiness.That's why I have to guard my heart and mind and constantly think on the things that are lovely, pure, honest, true and so on...because I know...

Clematis

 You are what you think. You are what you dwell on...you are and feel what you're most consumed with.

 

...and if it's a choice...and I know that it is...I choose to see the beautiful. I choose to feel the extraordinary. I choose to smell and taste the scent of deliciousness that is extreme happiness everyday, every hour, every minute that I'm alive. I refuse to give in to the temptation to dwell on the 'could have been' the 'should have been' or the 'that's not fair' mantra that keeps sneaking into my ear holes and slicing into my spirit. 

 

When I catch myself feeling that ugly, frown-making emotion (that usually strikes me hardest when driving...on any given interstate...on any given day) and I feel those old, hateful fingers of constant complaining tapping out a tune on my 

Pansies

dashboard...I hope I'll remember to slam on the thought brakes as hard as I can and shut the negativity down before it takes control and guides my emotional vehicle for the rest of the day.

I sense you're smiling right now, but you're still skeptical. You don't think it's that easy.

 

You don't have to agree with my point of view, but would you be so kind as to experiment with my theory today...for just one day?

 

No matter what happens, no matter who cuts you off in traffic or drives under the speed limit in the passing lane, or goes out of their way to try to make you mad, sad, angry, upset, defeated, discouraged, depressed, despondent, disillusioned, dissatisfied, fat, thin, short, tall, too much or too little...would you try to shift your focus on something that makes you happy? Something positive!

Larkspur spp.

Maybe think of those beautiful, green eyes of that special person that you love or a flowery plant that lifts your mood the second you see its cheery, delicate face or smell it's sweet sweet fragrance?...will you try? If you take my simple, yet challenging challenge, I'd love to hear from you. I would benefit greatly from your honest feedback.

 

Just try it one day and get back with me...and if it doesn't work for you...At least you'll know it isn't my ADD that has me breathing in deeply and saying over and over..."Ahhhh, look at that beautiful  flower!"

I Miss My Boy!

Ever feel at a loss for words? Me too. When you make a living with words; spoken or written...being at a loss for them can be frightful, darn-near painful and unsettling. That's where I've been lately. Wordless. I've had a few friends ask what's wrong. Up till now, I've said, "nothing."

I've considered writing about "this" dozens of times over the past few months, but I could never really bring myself to do it. I felt petty, selfish and self-absorbed every time my fingers clicked on the keyboard. My pain was small and inconsequential in comparison to some of my friends; I've stood and watched while they buried their babies, mine had just joined the Army. It wasn't like he was dead. I was being ridiculous, I told myself. But it didn't lesson the emptiness I felt. It didn't ease the unbelievable hurt.

So I swallowed the scorching ache that had become an ever-present heartburn and plastered that, "everything is dandy" smile on my face. But slowly, its been eating away at my insides. The truth is, I'm not okay and I feel sad all the time. I cry for no reason and for every reason and it feels like I cry all the time now. I'm lost, confused and dazed. How did 18 years pass that quickly? I feel like screaming and throwing stuff. I'm mad. No, I'm pissed, but not at any one or any thing for certain and I wish I never had to leave my house again. I'm lonely, but I just want to be left alone. I miss my boy!

He use to go everywhere with me. I took him to work with me, to Army drill weekends, shopping, Katie's or Missy's on Saturday and Mr. Lu's or The Boneyard when I'd sneak him out of school. We hung out together, wrestled (when he was much smaller) and I let him win when we played video games together (okay, that part was an outright lie.) I miss my boy!

I'm going to see him tomorrow! I can't wait to feel his strong arms around my shoulders. It won't be for long enough and I know when we leave I'll start the boo-hooing again, but I just can't help it...I miss my boy!!!

What do you see?

This morning I sat on the back porch, my blurry eyes trying hard to focus on the world around me and I zeroed in on some bright, orange cosmos. Their paper-thin petals glowing in the early morning sun brought a smile to my unpainted lips. As I sipped my coffee, my still-sleepy eyes wandered over the yard and I realized that there isn't a single flower in my garden that doesn't remind me of the grace of God or His goodness in my life.

I often wonder how anyone could deny the existence of a benevolent creator when we're surrounded by mirrors of His gorgeous face everyday. 

 

One would have to be blind to miss what is the reflection of an almighty God in the microscopic details that make up a red-hot-poker. Oh, I understand that the truth is hid to those that are lost, but it still amazes me that anyone could mistake the splendor that colors our world or changes our hearts with just a plea of forgiveness - for anything other than God's unbelievable grace. 

As I stare at the tiny trifoliate petals of the widow's tears I thank God for making all things beautiful. I thank Him for allowing me to live in this age, I praise Him for sending Jesus to die in my place and I give Him all the glory for everything I have or ever will accomplish.

 As for me, when I see all that He has created, I see the Son...and I can't help but feel humbled and blessed.


What love is...

"I may not be a smart man, but I know what love is..." Forrest Gump.

I know what love is too...

Love is the sweet scent of homegrown roses,












love is clematis in bloom,

love is blood red lilies

a forever promise...

 

Love is...green eyes and dimples.

 

Goodbye...

I can feel the frown on my face; it’s between my eyes pushing against the bridge of my nose.

I know why it’s there too. There’s a sadness growing in me every day as I realize the possibility of never seeing you again. While I know it’s for the best, it means death for us. There have been some very sad days since I met you that I wished I could have turned back the clock and never done so.

I would not have this heaviness in my chest that pushes against my lungs preventing me from taking a full breath. I wouldn’t have this constant yearning to feel your warm body against mine. There wouldn’t be this unfulfilled ache in the pit of my being that keeps me from sleeping. I can’t seem to forget about you, but everything in me screams that I must.

So I’ll hold you to my lips one last time and breathe you in slowly. I’ll miss your warmth, your scent, your closeness. Then I’ll crush out your flame and let you go while there’s still a little of me left to salvage. Goodbye, my sweet corncob pipe, I love you.

No Weapon

"Go ahead," I said, "align yourself with the enemy."

I knew that when that invisible, but devastating line was drawn, there would be no going back for "them." I smiled through my frustration.

When the enemy attacks, in the form of a supposed "friend" or team member, it's painful, but God promises us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper.
So I'll let go of any desire to lash out or retaliate when someone wishes or tries to do me harm...especially when I've done NOTHING to deserve it.

I remind myself of people (weapons) who have not only NOT prospered, but who have suffered because they aligned themselves with the enemy...and already I'm feeling sorry for their impending demise.

I've seen weapons lose their jobs, spouses, credibility, income and even lives...simply because they made that fateful decision to bear arms against a child of the one true King.

I'm not going to argue the fact that I'm Jesus' favorite broken vessel. I serve at the pleasure of the King. He loves me...died for me...I don't need to know anything else.

So go ahead, knock yourself out...because I know...NO WEAPON!

Help me, Lord!

I'm gonna tell it to you straight cause I don't know any other way to tell it.
Hold on, cause it may get hairy up in here...

There's been a sinful, seductive element lurking in the shadows near my soul lately. Tempting, taunting, terrorizing my mind...and I've nearly given in to the lusts of the flesh.

I'm a strong woman. A woman of faith. A woman of principles. A woman of God.
BUT, I'm still a woman. A woman with needs, wants, desires. I am bone - blood - teeth and a little bit of girly pheromones.

Lately, the waters of temporary pleasures have crept so close to the nostrils of my staunch principles that I've questioned the resolute ground on which they stand. I'm in pain, yet without a wound. I'm bound, yet shackle-free. I'm tormented, yet unscathed.

I feel the chilly waters begin to overtake me, clutching at my throat and ending all that I am.
So, I lift my eyes to the hills from whence my help comes...and I speak the only peace my heart has ever known...

"Protect me, O Lord. I'm falling. Your servant is weak and craving...yearning for...desperate to have...

...chocolate cake, ice cream and fudge. Maybe some pizza, a taco platter, fattening soft drinks and empty calories...she longs for fattening foods, very short walks on the beach, sunsets near a camp fire where hot dogs and marsh mellows are being roasted, she dreams of greasy cheese burgers and onion rings. Your portly, wanna-be-saint of a woman thinks of nothing more than to lay in the shade with a bag of salty chips with maybe some queso and guaco and jalapenos close by...

...Help me, Lord."