Or so the saying goes...if that's the case, then why do tears form in the corner of ones eyes when thinking of a deceased loved one? Why does ones throat constrict at the mention of a lost love? Why do injuries and scars never really leave your memory lonely?
My theory is that any wound, be it emotional, physical or spiritual leaves an indelible mark one's person as a whole. These marks make us who we are, how we view ourselves, how we view others. I believe that to navigate life without any wounds is to not live at all. For what kind of life would you have if you never experienced the pain of loving, then losing someone? How would you know what joy was if you never experienced sorrow?
I think it more accurate to say, "Time eases the pain of our wounds." Isn't that what we truly want? Our pain just to ease? That's what I want. I choose the pain of loss, remembering the love that I experienced. I choose the pain of failure, remembering the valiant fight.
I'll keep my scars and gladly display them because they prove to me and anyone who cares to see them, that I have lived.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
My dogs are screaming!
Still recovering from shooting shotguns last Thursday...I've decided I am too old for this stuff. I'm thinking I need to hang the ole gun belt up and dig in the dirt full-time. If only! One of these days, I'm going to sit on the back porch, drink coffee till noon and spend the rest of the day in the garden...or the greenhouse, in my pajamas.
After planting 50 baby trees today, I'm not so sure digging is in my best interest either. Why can't a 40 year old woman push a shovel for a few hours without collapsing with exhaustion? Could it be that I am really 440 or 875 years old, instead? Could be...my dogs are hinting that maybe a "break" during spring break would be a good idea.
After planting 50 baby trees today, I'm not so sure digging is in my best interest either. Why can't a 40 year old woman push a shovel for a few hours without collapsing with exhaustion? Could it be that I am really 440 or 875 years old, instead? Could be...my dogs are hinting that maybe a "break" during spring break would be a good idea.
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Jingle Bells, Shotgun Shells...
Well, I am headed to the gun range to do a little shotgun shootin'...I'm not so much excited about blasting away at stuff as I am just being out in the beautiful weather. I may have to smear on a ton of sun screen, but it will be worth it to feel the glorious sunshine on my skin.
While walking through the gardens this morning, it was amazing to see all the little crocus and daffodils up and awake. They, at least, are convinced it is spring. Soon to follow will be the tulips and the hyacinths and grape hyacinths. All the forsythia are blooming and demanding attention as well.
So whatever you are doing today, whether it is killing paper targets, or wrestling ornery kids, I hope you take time to go outside and breathe in some fresh air and be grateful that winter is over!
While walking through the gardens this morning, it was amazing to see all the little crocus and daffodils up and awake. They, at least, are convinced it is spring. Soon to follow will be the tulips and the hyacinths and grape hyacinths. All the forsythia are blooming and demanding attention as well.
So whatever you are doing today, whether it is killing paper targets, or wrestling ornery kids, I hope you take time to go outside and breathe in some fresh air and be grateful that winter is over!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
"Calling all cars...calling all cars...be on the lookout for..."
I never heard those words come across the radio on Saturday night. Since I wasn't in my regularly assigned patrol car, but in a pool car I borrow from the garage, there were a few tools missing that I needed to do my job.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciated having a set of wheels, but I had no radio, no in-car-video camera, no radar and no flash light. There wasn't a whole lot of work that was going to get done that night. At least that is what I kept telling myself. Without a way to hook up my lap top computer, I also hadn't read about the Silver Alert that Midwest City Police Department issued earlier in the day.
Silver Alerts are issued for elderly people with either Alzheimer's disease or dementia who go missing. In the MWC case, it was an 85-year old man who had driven away from his home and had disappeared. The family was frantic. Hours went by without a word. Tears were shed, and prayers were sent heavenward repeatedly.
It had been a long, frustrating day for me. Without the necessary equipment to do my job properly, I was irritable, cranky and somewhat depressed. No one had to tell me that every trooper occasionally has their patrol car in the shop and has to drive a pool unit. I've been working for this same outfit going on 16 years. I'd done this before, but tonight it just hit me wrong. For whatever reason, I was in a foul mood.
As I sat at the bottom of the off ramp of Interstate 35, I contemplated how I was going to spend the last hour or so of I my shift. Should I slink around on a dark country road and hope to stumble across a drunk driver trying to slide home? Should I stick to the interstate? Should I cruise through town? All these decisions were pinging around in my brain when a car starts to cut across my path going west and then suddenly stops in the roadway in front of me. What's this?
Quickly, I look to see if I have forgotten and left my red and blue emergency lights on. Sometimes I forget to turn them off and will be driving around when people start pulling over. I'll wonder what they are doing before I realize that I have left my overhead lights on. Ooops! Sorry! That usually only happens in the day time though and this was closer to one in the morning. My light switches indicated that no lights were activated, so I glanced back at the car in the roadway. As if the driver could hear me telling him to move, he pulled to the shoulder, then around the corner into a convenience store parking lot.
Through the back window of his car, I could see his silver hair and watched as he looked over his shoulder to see if I had followed him. So I pulled along side of his car and rolled the window down. He appeared lost and confused. Without rolling his own window down, he got out of his car and leaned on my window sill. He had a simple request. Would I help him find his way home?
After calling my communications center on my cell phone (thank God for cell phones!) I learned that the gentleman sitting in my patrol car had been missing for several hours and a Silver Alert had been issued for him. After several minutes, a young police officer from MWC arrived with the elderly gentleman's grown son. The son gripped my hand tightly, thanking me for finding his father. I had a lump in my throat as I watched the two men embrace. That's when I told the younger of the two, I didn't find your dad, he found me. He basically pulled me over!
We all laughed at that, but as I watched them drive away, I was convicted of all my many grumblings of the day. God had to remind me, through this situation, why I was allowed to work in law enforcement in the first place. I am suppose to help people. Turns out, it was one of the best days I have ever had on the highway patrol.
Don't get me wrong, I appreciated having a set of wheels, but I had no radio, no in-car-video camera, no radar and no flash light. There wasn't a whole lot of work that was going to get done that night. At least that is what I kept telling myself. Without a way to hook up my lap top computer, I also hadn't read about the Silver Alert that Midwest City Police Department issued earlier in the day.
Silver Alerts are issued for elderly people with either Alzheimer's disease or dementia who go missing. In the MWC case, it was an 85-year old man who had driven away from his home and had disappeared. The family was frantic. Hours went by without a word. Tears were shed, and prayers were sent heavenward repeatedly.
It had been a long, frustrating day for me. Without the necessary equipment to do my job properly, I was irritable, cranky and somewhat depressed. No one had to tell me that every trooper occasionally has their patrol car in the shop and has to drive a pool unit. I've been working for this same outfit going on 16 years. I'd done this before, but tonight it just hit me wrong. For whatever reason, I was in a foul mood.
As I sat at the bottom of the off ramp of Interstate 35, I contemplated how I was going to spend the last hour or so of I my shift. Should I slink around on a dark country road and hope to stumble across a drunk driver trying to slide home? Should I stick to the interstate? Should I cruise through town? All these decisions were pinging around in my brain when a car starts to cut across my path going west and then suddenly stops in the roadway in front of me. What's this?
Quickly, I look to see if I have forgotten and left my red and blue emergency lights on. Sometimes I forget to turn them off and will be driving around when people start pulling over. I'll wonder what they are doing before I realize that I have left my overhead lights on. Ooops! Sorry! That usually only happens in the day time though and this was closer to one in the morning. My light switches indicated that no lights were activated, so I glanced back at the car in the roadway. As if the driver could hear me telling him to move, he pulled to the shoulder, then around the corner into a convenience store parking lot.
Through the back window of his car, I could see his silver hair and watched as he looked over his shoulder to see if I had followed him. So I pulled along side of his car and rolled the window down. He appeared lost and confused. Without rolling his own window down, he got out of his car and leaned on my window sill. He had a simple request. Would I help him find his way home?
After calling my communications center on my cell phone (thank God for cell phones!) I learned that the gentleman sitting in my patrol car had been missing for several hours and a Silver Alert had been issued for him. After several minutes, a young police officer from MWC arrived with the elderly gentleman's grown son. The son gripped my hand tightly, thanking me for finding his father. I had a lump in my throat as I watched the two men embrace. That's when I told the younger of the two, I didn't find your dad, he found me. He basically pulled me over!
We all laughed at that, but as I watched them drive away, I was convicted of all my many grumblings of the day. God had to remind me, through this situation, why I was allowed to work in law enforcement in the first place. I am suppose to help people. Turns out, it was one of the best days I have ever had on the highway patrol.
Saturday, March 5, 2011
Writing furiously!
Well friends, I have been typing my lil' fingers to the bone...seriously! I have one manuscript complete and am knee deep in the sequel. I'm not really sure why I waited so long to get started writing.
I LOVE IT!
Okay, maybe I have been a little busy, but now that I am writing...it is all I can think about or do. I did take a break from writing yesterday to plant about 25 Arizona Cypress seedlings. They are gorgeous! They are heat and drought tolerant, can take clay, sandy or a mixture of soils and have the most beautiful blue/gray foliage. I only have about 175 left to plant, so I have got to get busy.
By the way, do you have a pair of gloves and a shovel? :)
I LOVE IT!
Okay, maybe I have been a little busy, but now that I am writing...it is all I can think about or do. I did take a break from writing yesterday to plant about 25 Arizona Cypress seedlings. They are gorgeous! They are heat and drought tolerant, can take clay, sandy or a mixture of soils and have the most beautiful blue/gray foliage. I only have about 175 left to plant, so I have got to get busy.
By the way, do you have a pair of gloves and a shovel? :)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
Really? Really!
Okay, here's what I will never understand...you do something to get my attention and then when you have it and I pull you over...you want to talk crazy to me? Really? Really!
Can't we all just get along?
Can't we all just get along?
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Pick up the pansies, let's plant!
If you haven't planted any spring annuals, now is the time to do it. Go grab a flat of pansies, they come in a variety of colors and combinations of colors. Throw those bad boys in the dirt! You will be amazed at what a little bit of color in your garden, right now, will do for your spirit.
I have yellow pansies dancing in my garden. Literally! Okay, so they aren't dancing, but they do look pretty darn happy. I planted them in the fall. They looked kinda sad during all the snow, but the hints of spring weather having them waving their gorgeous little yellow heads now. Call me corny, but they make my heart happy!
I have yellow pansies dancing in my garden. Literally! Okay, so they aren't dancing, but they do look pretty darn happy. I planted them in the fall. They looked kinda sad during all the snow, but the hints of spring weather having them waving their gorgeous little yellow heads now. Call me corny, but they make my heart happy!
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