Monday, December 12, 2011

Don't be so haughty, sister!

Sitting in a class room full of macho men for eight long hours had worn on my nerves. Minding my manners all day; I had endured foul language and graphic details of unspeakable crimes. There were times during the day that I felt queasy and filthy because of the topic being taught, but I was cautious in my speech; quiet and humble in mannerisms. Wearing a OHP trooper uniform changes ones' image of ones' self and I suppose it changes how others see you also. So after stomaching all I could, I stood and stretched my stiff legs and gathered my few belongings. Feeling justified in my intense dislike at the pin-headed instructor and his crudeness, I made my way to the trash can where I would throw my Styrofoam coffee cup away. It had entertained me all day as I doodled on its squishy surface. Mentally listing my qualifications, I told myself that as an instructor I would never talk like this man chose to do, I would not offend or rape students' ear holes like this man had done. This man is inferior to me, I thought as I dusted off the hairspray flecks that had collected on the shoulders of my brown shirt. I adjusted my gun belt and threw my head back as if I were an aristocrat at a grand ball. I swept across the carpeted classroom floor with class and ease and just as I approached the receptacle bin of refuse, I sneezed with such force that I peed my taupe trousers. Fear and panic slapped me silly as I quickly spun around to see if anyone had taken note of my plight. No one seemed to notice the source of my unease, so I lowered my notebook in front of me and used it as a shield as I backed slowly out of the classroom. One thing continued to blast away at my self confidence as I squished across the parking lot at a quick trot...judge not! When was I ever going to learn?


  1. Oh,girl I totally feel ya! I can't cough, laugh, or sneeze without crossing my legs! At least no one noticed!!!!!!!

  2. But there is a difference between judging a person and judging bad behavior. BUT, I remember as a teenager, I sat across the table from my younger brother, disgusted with his manners. When I could endure no more in silence, I started to say, Jim, you slob!, but as I got to the big round vowel in 'slob' a giant burp leapt from my belly and the word came out in a belch, 'slooooooob'. I WAS observed, however and now my nieces and nephews remind me of it most times when they see me. Sigh. It's such a burden to be superior! Merry Christmas!