Just two things!

It’s a good thing I wasn’t packing heat the day an unwelcomed stranger came to call on me. There are some situations where a firearm will do more harm than good. This was such a situation, I remember it like this. I had worked all day and was rewarding myself with a few minutes of quiet relaxation. Sitting on the back porch I had taken my dusty boots off and had stretched out on a cushioned bench airing my toes, enjoying a cool beverage and reading a murder mystery. The cool evening hours of early fall had lured me outside. My book was riveting; the characters had come alive on the pages and in my mind’s eye I was skimming along the windy cliff of a coastal city with the heroine, piecing together the clues. Bouncing around in the yard was my goofy little dog. She has many names, but the one we call her the most is, “Bug.” She’s so fat she can hardly move, but to watch her you would think we never feed her because she is constantly eating some helpless little bug: hence the name. On this particular day I was ignoring her while I decompressed from a day of hard labor. Don’t laugh! Occasionally I am required to exert myself.  I had been on the gun range all day and had been on my feet the entire time. Close to exhaustion, I collapsed on the back porch needing some alone time before the family arrived from their day of work and school. You know those days when not only your body is tired, but your mind is as well? That was me. I needed two things at the moment; peace and harmony. They usually go hand in hand and are more often than not found in my gardens. Being outside would have to suffice as I was too tired to stumble amongst the stonecrop or trip amidst the thyme. Nearing the end of a chapter I was totally engrossed in the story. One hand held my hard back book the other held my drink, gratefully, in a plastic cup. I paused in my reading to raise the cup to my lips when my eyes caught sight of the fat dog bouncing up and down in the yard like a rabbit. She was only a few feet away from me and just off the concrete porch. I lowered my drink to investigate what she was after when the largest tarantula I have ever seen (in captivity or otherwise) jumped onto the porch and began scurrying directly toward me with Bug in hot pursuit. Now I am going to pause right here and tell you a little something about me that I hope we can keep just between us. I am terrified of spiders, any and all spiders.  The chaos that followed is one that I am not real proud of so I won’t spend a lot of time dwelling on it. I think it would be safe to say that we all learned a lesson that day. Me, I learned that screaming at the dog to stop attacking a tarantula doesn’t produce results, the hideous arachnid learned not to come out of hiding during the daylight and Bug, well she learned those hairy creatures are not very tasty. She could be seen for several minutes after her “meal” eating blades of grass. I’m assuming she did so in an attempt to get the foul taste out of her mouth. Days after the traumatic event, I researched the Oklahoma tarantula and found that they are considered beneficial and are not harmful (at least not directly harmful) to humans or pets. In fact, most spiders are beneficial. Steer clear of black widows and brown recluse though as those can be painful and possibly make you sick. In closing, let me encourage you as I have tried to convince myself that spiders serve a needed purpose in the food chain. We can co-exist peacefully if not harmoniously.

Questions to Ponder

While walking downtown Guthrie last week a lady I’d never seen before stepped out of an antique store and began walking with me. She mentioned this gardening article, and then surprised me by asking how long I have been gardening, I paused midstride to consider the answer. I stood with my head slightly cocked off to the side, my eyes wandered to the sky above me searching for the answer. Finally, for flair, I crossed my arms and used a single bony index finger to lure the answer into my right temple by tapping. Master gardeners want to give the correct answer to every question, so it’s important to think questions through thoroughly before answering or at least to appear to be doing so (That’s Master Gardener 101.) “I guess I’ve only been gardening since about 1996,” I finally admitted. I remember feeling my shoulders sag as if I had confessed to some personal failure. The person asking the question seemed impressed though. She smiled broadly, nodded her head and asked a few more questions, told me about her gardening experiences and then was gone. As I continued on down the sidewalk, I began to think about the meaning of the question. Often we feel like we need to qualify our experience or relevance by mentioning how long we have been in performance of any activity. As if time determines our competency. As a gardener you probably know that it’s a life long journey of learning and growing for you and your plants. I’ve accepted the fact that I will never know all there is to know about the plants that I love. But I learn more everyday especially when I’m knee deep in the garden, swatting at bugs, with dirt in my gloves, under my nails and sometimes even in my hair. So no matter where you are in your gardening career let me encourage you to never quit learning. Explore the on-line world of OSU Fact Sheets that will provide you with a plethora of information on any and every topic you could possibly think of. http://pods.dasnr.okstate.edu/docushare/dsweb/HomePage As for me, I guess I’ll spend some time picking out spring flowering bulbs. Fall and early winter is the time to plant those little babies. Should you be wondering what I’ll be planting, I’m considering the usual; tulips, hyacinths, daffodils, crocus, Grecian windflowers, grape hyacinths and maybe some lilies and alliums. Funny thing is, should that lady of asked me that, I wouldn’t have even had to stop to think about the answer, not to mention the demonstrative tapping of the finger against the noggin. Oh! I’m not saying I wouldn’t have done it, but it wouldn’t have been necessary to come up with the answer.

Guthrie Gardening

As if the merciless heat and the punishing drought weren’t enough to drive this Oklahoma gardener crazy, now we are contending with hateful raging wild fires. All across our beautiful, but stricken state we have seen hundreds of acres burnt and many people displaced. I for one have had enough. I’ve had my bags packed for weeks, ready to move somewhere cooler and somewhere wetter. But after looking at the national forecast, I’m saddened to say that such a place does not exist on this planet. With the addition of the seething wild fires, a transformation has begun to occur within me, a conversion of sorts if you will. Instead of running away, I’ve decided to dig my heels in. I’ve drawn a hard line in my crusty back yard and I refuse to be moved. In anticipation of your disbelief, I have listed a few accomplishments to prove my point. On the rare occasions where it has rained this year, I caught precious rain water in plastic rain barrels. I use that water to soak my house’s foundation and water any plant material that is within 100 feet of my house. It’s called being firewise. By removing any flammable plants that contain resins, oils and waxes from within 30 feet of my little ponderosa, I can reduce the chance of a wildfire burning my home to a pile of ashes. It’s also important to move or remove things that can burn easily like firewood, dead and dense vegetation. Speaking of vegetation, if you happen to be fortunate enough to have any plants still alive, congratulations! You are in the minority. This fall you may consider replacing some of your lost babies with some shrubs and flowering plants that can tolerate dry sites, just in case we have another summer like this one. Shrubs such as; Abelia, Rose-of Sharon, Japanese barberry, Yucca, Indian hawthorn, Firethorn and Yaupon holly will tolerate dry conditions and thrive once established. Annual flowers that also do well in similar circumstances are zinnia, cosmos and petunia. If you are a rose lover like I am, then consider planting an old fashioned rose such as hybrid perpetual, Rugosa, and shrub roses. These require less overall care than some of the hybrid tea types. Whatever you decide to replant with, keep the firewise tips in mind. You can get more information on being firewise at www.firewise.org. Let my semi-conversion and personal commitment to stick it out here in Oklahoma, be an encouragement to you in your Guthrie Gardening endeavors.

Gardening Nightmares

If it hadn’t been for my near death experience in the garden this past week, I would not have considered bringing this topic up. It’s been discussed this season, although not by me and not in this most terrifying way. The day started off like any other, clutching my coffee cup like a life line, I made my way out to the garden to greet the day and coax my crusty eyes open slowly. I examined a bush, a flower, a tree while sipping my nearly black brew that I’d doused with flavored creamer. My world was as close to perfect as one can get when out of nowhere I was attacked. Screaming and screeching, I slapped at the monster that had hidden among my beloved plants. This was no ordinary assault; this was a premeditated, calculated (with precision) invasion of my personal space. Landing on the hand that held the cup that held my precious Joe was the largest, ugliest, most blood thirsty-looking grasshopper I have ever seen. With huge haunted eyes that I’ll never forget he pounced when I was most vulnerable. Pajama clad and barely awake; I was slapped, punched and nearly bitten as I attempted to extricate the erratic creature off my body. In the chaos that ensued, plants were trampled, coffee was spilt and I was deeply shaken. Now to be fair to myself, I have to admit that the grasshoppers around my place are as big as Chihuahuas and it’s amazing how much damage they have done. I’m doing my best to be as environmentally friendly as possible, but this incident has me researching methods of retaliation. I think I’ve been fair. I haven’t sprayed or suggested insecticides, pesticides, fungicides or staying-insides all summer long. Call it green gardening, organic gardening or natural gardening - the point is I’ve used limited or no chemicals in my flower beds and vegetable gardens. Like me, you may have suffered similar indignities and you may be perplexed as how best to get grasshoppers under control without killing all the beneficial insects that call your gardens home. May I suggest selecting plants that the hideous grasshoppers don’t prefer? Plants like; American beautyberry, Artemisia, Bridal wreath spirea, Confederate jasmine, Coralberry, Crepe myrtle, Dwarf yaupon, Dwarf burning bush, Dwarf Mexican petunia, Euonymus, Forsythia, Juniper, Lantana, Mexican bush sage, Moss rose, Nandina, Passionvine, Perennial dianthus, Persian lilac, Rock rose, Salvia greggii, Verbena (perennial.) Or you may be more inclined to purchase guinea hens. These pleasant poultry predators also enjoy ticks, Japanese beetles and crickets. Whatever you decide to do, remember my tormenting tale and be forewarned. Grasshoppers are out there. Lurking, plotting and waiting, for you.

Garden Reclamation

So after a worthless weekend of laying around like a slug, I decided that I needed to get into the secret garden and get to work. I had already put in a full day on the job and burned some calories at the YMCA, but my jungle of a garden called to me. I had longingly looked at the garden through the writing room window all day the day before. So although I was practically spent, I knew the need was great and the call to action too pressing. So I put on my gloves, doused myself with bug spray, grabbed the rusty by-pass pruners, a set of loppers and entered through the first garden gate with much trepidation. The first few cuts with the pruners felt mean, but the longer I was swung the machete, the tougher I became. This garden had been my solace, my little slice of heaven on earth where I could hide myself away from the neighbors, uninvited visitors and sadly, even my family. But I had allowed the weeds to grow, the plants to escape and the critters to roam free. It was a mess and I was to blame. Pulling the hateful little weeds and stacking them in a growing pile made me feel alive. More so than I had in days, maybe weeks. Yanking and pulling, I stripped the raised bed of invasive plants that were out of place. That's the nice way to describe a weed. Something out of place. It didn't take long for the garden that I love and had missed, to spring back into view. My neglect had caused it to get overgrown and because of that, I was afraid to enter, afraid of what I would find, afraid of the work it would require to right the wrong. And it got me to thinking about the garden of my heart and mind. Often times, without forethought I will neglect my thoughts. I'll allow them to roam free, dwell on the negative, see and hear only the ill and then wonder why I feel so sad, so bad and so mad. Again, taking responsibility for my out of sorts inner garden requires that I suit up for the job properly, be committed to cleaning up the mess and without hesitation, jump in with both feet. It's not something I'm proud of, letting things go to pot. But I'm honest enough to admit when I've been lazy, neglectful or uncaring. Guarding your heart and your mind are the best defense. If those tactics fail or falter; then you must renew, refresh and replenish your garden with the good, the true, the honest, and the positive. I did tonight and it feels amazing!

Judge not, lest ye be judged!

Have you ever done something you were immediately ashamed of? Maybe you felt the spiking sting of guilt even as you were in the very act of violating a law, rule or guideline? I have. Its a crushing cyclic stab in your deepest being, its like clinching your teeth when you're angry only to hear them crack. What is it about breaking your own standards or not living up to expectations you have for yourself that deals such a lethal blow to your pride? Defeat, depression, despair and devastation...they follow your forever failures with a wicked, remembering smile. Telling you that you're only human and prone to error doesn't do a thing to change your lowly opinion of yourself. You are weak, pathetic, sinful...you hear yourself think viciously. You always fall, fail or screw stuff up... Whispers of self-condemnation circle your head like tiny, invisible gnats. Swatting at them doesn't help. You aren't trying to drive away the truth anyway, it's just irritating and degrading to have your mistakes buzzing around non-stop in your face. So you swat and swing, curse and cry. You've heard that confession is good for the soul? I never believed it either, but I find myself standing here on the precipice of integrity, dangling precariously over the edge. Clamping my jaws together, I make a failing preposterous attempt to keep the sorrowful, seeping truth from escaping my mouth. Hanging my head from the weight of my shame, a single tear shouts in preparation and I begin to speak..."I ate a zebra tonight...(not waiting for your response, I rush on...)  A Little Debbie Zebra Cake." Don't judge me!

Rango, bring cake!

It's been a long hot summer so far with no reprieve from the heat insight. It's too dry for anything to thrive and too hot to water. My hope for rain dissipates with the passing of each miserably scorching day. Walking around the yard in clogs, introduced dirt into my toe holes, so I resorted to slipping on socks. So now I'm not only overheating, I'm dorky to boot. Awesome. Back inside I sigh, is it any wonder I feel depressed? My skin is pale 'cause the sun hates me, my head hurts 'cause it hates the sun and as my depleted vitamin D level bottoms out, my anemic, jaundiced eye balls squint through the dusty blinds...searching the blue sky for any cumulus clouds. I see none. Fantastic! So I guzzle the ice water in my hand and put the cool glass next to my cheek and think...what I really need is chocolate cake. Cake makes everything better.