Sunday, October 30, 2011
It had been the worst day of my entire life, bar none. Rocking her listless bony body, I could only cry. She whithered away rapidly before my very eyes. Hadn't she been fine the day before? No, maybe two days ago, but now I stared into her jaundiced eyes and wished for the years to roll back to when she was young and healthy. Silent tears slid down my cheeks and choked the cooes that would try to soothe her in her pain. All day I talked to my dear friend and begged her not to leave me, but I knew she would. She had to. It was pure selfishness that would ask someone to suffer so that I could be spared the pain of loss; the pain of loneliness. Pure selfishness. After she died, I thought my heart would surely break and even though I knew she was, "just a dog." It didn't lessen the pain that stabbed at my subconscious night and day. There was no good reason for her to have to die. So anger tried to squeeze out the hurt and for a few days it brewed there only to be replaced with aching emptiness. Just when I thought that no one could understand or truly care what I was going through, He came to me. Never forcing His comfort or strength, He trotted up and into my arms and licked my face with His love. Why it surprised me to know that my loving God cared about me that much, I can't explain. He sent me what I needed, when I needed it and in the way that I needed it most. That's how tender and loving and merciful my God is. His heart hurts when my heart does. My littlest troubles He cares about and when nothing else can soothe my ache, He is always there; ready, willing and able. Able to send a neighbor's puppy to love my hurt away and bring a message from the Creator of the universe. "Cast your cares upon me; for I care for you."